What’s the best way to move forward when you’re feeling stuck? Wait! No, seriously, waiting is the best thing you can do as crazy as that sounds.
In this episode, learn about the best approach you can take when you feel like you’ve hit a brick wall in your life, you’re just feeling really stuck and have absolutely no idea what to do next.
Also learn about how I was able to become unstuck and bounce back after I experienced a massive failure, where I got the idea to start this podcast and what signs to look for when you’re desperately searching for the “next thing” to do in your life.
Full Transcript Below
Hi, guys. So today, I was thinking about the reason I started this whole podcast in the first place. And to tell you that story, I think I’d have to kind of answer the question of what do when you’re feeling lost and don’t know what to do with your life.
I think that for many of us, we have been in that place in our life, where you don’t know where to go, you’re feeling really stuck, you’ve been doing something, maybe one thing, for a very long time. But now you’ve kind of hit this brick wall, and you don’t know how to move forward.
Should you fight your way through the brick wall? Should you turn in our direction? Should you just quit right there? Basically, you’re feeling stuck on this hamster wheel and you don’t know if you should or shouldn’t get off.
I have been stuck many times in my life. But I think this summer was where I really, really experienced that feeling of being super duper stuck. Like, I was super glued to one spot and I just felt like everything around me was beginning to crumble and fall apart.
Everything I’d been working on for so long, was just leading nowhere. I didn’t know where to turn or who to turn to. I think many of us experience this state where so many ideas are swirling around our heads some days and on other days, we have absolutely zero ideas of what to do next in our lives.
When you’re stuck like this you’re thinking well what am I supposed to do now? Who am I supposed to be now? Is everything that I have done for nought? Is everything that I’ve been working on and failing at proof that I am a failure?
So many questions with no answers. And I know that, at least for me, when I’m feeling really stuck, I don’t even want to let anyone else around me know that I am feeling stuck because it’s embarrassing. It’s embarrassing as an adult, to have to admit to somebody else that you don’t know what you’re doing.
It’s embarrassing to feel this way as an adult who should have their life together.
I want to drift back a few weeks, and really talk about what happened and what led me to start this podcast.
Picture this, younger me. I have been working on my coaching website for a year now, I’ve been trying to drive traffic to it. I’ve been writing weekly blog posts, pinning pins to Pinterest and using tailwind, doing multiple Facebook posts and showing up in Facebook groups. I’d also been working with two or three coaches up to this point.
And along the way, I get this bright idea from a consulting friend of mine to create a mini-course that will help women who are really, really shy and are afraid of talking about their business, because they don’t want people to judge them for what they say. They don’t want to be criticized, they don’t want to put on the spot.
So I want to show them how to crush those fears and overcome those doubts and be able to pitch themselves with confidence to their audience. After spending weeks upon weeks working on my course, writing scripts and going out on the content, pouring my blood, sweat, tears, and everything else into this new beginning, I was almost ready.
I’m creating videos, doing voiceovers and doing research. I’m pulling some extra hours, really running the midnight oil, trying to get this course off the ground because this course for me would be a whole new beginning.
I’d be entering a brand new season. I’d be getting new clients, the course would blow up and I’d be swimming in some serious cash and social media likes, and so on and so forth. So I was super, super excited.
And you know what happened?
I launched the course, based on my advisors, advice and nothing happened. Nope, nothing happened.
After weeks of preparation, research, designing, working on emails, trying to get sponsors, trying to get partners, the entire course launch flopped, right before my eyes.
It bombed so hard and it felt like a part of my heart kind of blew up in the process. My $97 course, $97 made zero sales. I was so crushed. To be honest, I wasn’t really 100% crushed, because I had kind of detached myself from the outcome because, before that launch, a few months prior, I had been running myself ragged, worrying, and trying to make money.
So for this course launch, even though I was putting my all into it, I wasn’t super super attached to the outcome. Instead of feeling really crushed and devastated over everything, I just kind of felt empty.
I didn’t feel anything inside. It’s like all of that enthusiasm, joy, happiness and excitement before the course, was replaced with this feeling of nothingness.
It’s like, there was a big gaping hole of nothing and that was really depressing.
Suddenly, all these thoughts started swirling around in my head. I was embarrassed. I couldn’t believe that I had put so much work into something that came to nothing.
What was I supposed to do now? What about this new season I was supposed to be entering? You know, what about all these new clients I was supposed to be getting? Wasn’t I meant to help people to change their lives? Was this entire experience just one big fat joke?
And all this time I was talking to God. I was talking to God and asking him like, yo, what’s going on? Like, why aren’t the plans that you have for me coming to fruition? Why aren’t my goals being achieved? coming true?
In the midst of all of this emptiness, I kind of realized something. In the midst of us being lost, and kind of not having any clue what to do, sometimes, when we sit still for a bit, we tend to have these aha moments.
So while I was sitting down and not doing anything because I was just so lost, God revealed to me that when He wants to shift us, when He wants to lift us up and move us into higher heights, and into newer levels of our lives, it’s not always the best experience.
It’s not always a pleasant experience. Sometimes we do have great experiences, and then we level up. But other times, for some of us, we get so caught up in our current lives and being busy. We’re running around getting all these things done.
We’re posting on all these different social media, we’re sending out hundreds of emails, we’re just so busy, that in order for God to get to us, to get our attention, and really be able to talk to us face to face, He will bring us into a situation, or He will bring us into a desert place where we might feel stuck because when we do get into that desert place, that’s the only time when He has our undivided attention.
A lot of times it takes something big for God to get our attention. And Don’t get me wrong, it is not God’s intention for us to be or to stay stuck. That’s not it. Not at all. But we tend to feel stuck because we are holding on to people, we’re holding on to jobs, we’re holding on to businesses and situations that we need to let go of.
Imagine that things that we need to let go off our cords and chains. And when we hold on to those things that we’re supposed to be letting go off, we’re really just tightening the chains and tightening the cords that are binding us to the past.
Because of this, there is absolutely no way that we can move forward when we are tied down. Is there? No, there isn’t.
Imagine that you want to be free to meet new people. You want to be in a relationship with someone, you want to really get out there but at the same time, you’re still holding onto the memories, you’re holding on to the experiences that you had with your ex.
Because you’re holding on to those experiences, you’re never really free to go and date other people, you’re never really free to put yourself out there. Because you’re still bound by your past, you’re still bound by things that you should have let go of the years ago, months ago, weeks ago, hours ago, because we’re still holding on to these things, these people these experiences, we cannot move forward, because we’re literally being held back.
So how do we get unstuck? How do we go from being glued in place to once again flowing like a river? It’s a process. Just like a baby goes from womb to delivery, we too have to kind of move.
Nothing will happen if we remain in the same place forever. And I know telling you to move when you’re feeling stuck sounds odd but trust me it is possible. Christians often tell you that when you don’t know which way to go, to be still and wait on the Lord and I wholeheartedly agree with that. I agree that being still and waiting on God is the right way to go. But Why? Why do they say that?
Doesn’t being still and waiting mean to just sit there and do nothing unless God tells you it’s alright? Although it might sound that way, that’s not the case. For Christians, waiting is an active process. And for you, it should be an active process as well. Waiting doesn’t mean that we sit around all day doing absolutely nothing. Waiting doesn’t mean that we just kick back and relax and wait for things to fall into our lap. That isn’t waiting. That is merely hoping.
So you’re just hoping something will happen. But you’re not waiting on and anticipating that something will happen.
Let me use an example. Think about waiting this way. For people who are in the army, and I have met a couple of people who are in the army, and I’ve talked to them about their experience. For these people in the army, some of the times they have to wait on a war. I know it sounds weird to say that but they have to wait on a war to happen before they can go out and do the jobs that they were assigned to do.
Even though they’re waiting on this event happen, that doesn’t mean that in times of peace they just sit around eating junk food, getting fat, getting unhealthy and sleeping all day. That would be fun, I guess, but no, that’s not what they do. While they’re waiting to be deployed, they keep on working out, they train, they take part in other duties that might not be their main job but keeps them sharp and alert. So when the time of war does come, when they are deployed, they can easily move forward into battle.
And that’s the same thing I’m telling you to. While I was in a period of waiting, trying to figure out what to do next with my life because I just didn’t know, I had a thought: why not put down the main website for a while and just have some fun working on other things?
So I did. Funny enough while I was working on other things and writing down my thoughts one day, I asked myself: If I was to have some conversations with some people, what would I want to talk about? And I just started writing the answers.
While I was writing a thought came to me. Why don’t you start a podcast? Last September, I had bought a domain called Sheisamess.com and for the entire time, almost a year, I was trying to figure out what to do with this domain. I thought of starting a lifestyle blog. I thought of many different things. But I just couldn’t find the answer. I couldn’t figure out what to do.
So while I was thinking about a name for the podcast, I thought to myself, why not use this domain as the podcast website? It could work, right?
But then I was thinking about the whole she is a mess thing. Who would want to listen to something called she’s a mess? Who would this even be for?
And while I was racking my brain, God spoke to me and said, No, Daeyna, you’re looking at it the wrong way. She isn’t just a mess, she is a message and even though she might be going through some stuff right now that is messy. Even though she might have made mistakes, even though she might not have been the best person, even though her background might be dark and murky, there is still a powerful message inside of her waiting to come to light.
And you can use your podcast as a way to help all the women out there who are currently neck-deep in this mess or have been in a messy situation, to see that, no matter who they are, no matter who they were, no matter what they have done, no matter what has happened in their lives, that they can still have an amazing future, they can still do something with their life.
And out of this series of internal conversations came this podcast. So while I was feeling stuck, while I was wondering what the heck I was supposed to be doing with my life, when I was actively waiting for new instructions, God inspired me to start this podcast and now I know that this is what I was supposed to be doing in this new season of my life.
For the first time in a very long time, I am working on something that makes me feel happy. That makes me feel joy. Every time I listen to a story, Every time I interview someone, I have fun with it. I’m not stressed out. I am not thinking about how I’m going to be making money with this. I’m not thinking about how I’m going to rank on Google and thinking about what steps to take to get social media followers, I am generally just having fun. I am genuinely interested in helping as many women as possible.
The whole point of this podcast is that when I was going through my mess when I was messed up in the head, when I felt like I was alone, I wish I had somebody who understood what I was going through. Who could give me some words of encouragement, who could give me some advice and now I have the opportunity to be that kind of person for somebody else.
So I basically started this podcast because I was stuck and I had just failed, and out of this grand failure was born a brand new idea. Out of that feeling of being stuck, and completely lost, no clue what to do with my life, came this kind of reinvention, this redirection to something that sets my heart on fire every single day.
Every time I work on something with this podcast, I light up. I am genuinely smiling all the time. I have heard stories that have made me cry. I have heard stories that have made me think. I have heard stories that will forever change my life. I have met people that I never knew I would have the opportunity to meet. I have spoken to women with stories that I am amazed at how they have managed to turn their lives around. And I’m excited to soon be sharing these stories with you.
It blows my mind when I see that people are signing up to be on the podcast, even though it is alive yet.
So I guess what I’m trying to say to you is, if you’re listening right now, and you are feeling really stuck in your job, you’re feeling stuck in our business, you’re feeling kind of lost, like you’re just washing ashore or floating in a big pile of nothing, and your life just isn’t where you want it to be. I’m encouraging you to not just sit there.
Don’t just sit there hoping for something to happen, for someone or some opportunity to come your way. I’m encouraging you to get off your butt and do something, do anything.
Is there a project that you always wanted to do? Go do that. Is there a book you’ve always wanted to write? Go write it. Just find something, anything to occupy your time. If you’re feeling stuck, about how to grow your email list, how to get out of your job rut or how to bounce back after a massive failure like I was, then focus on something else.
While you’re waiting for an answer in one area of your life, uplift yourself in another area of your life. Take a class, volunteer, go dancing, start a new hobby, start a podcast or a blog. You know, just find something creative, that is still building you up, but not stressing you out and causing you to feel even more stuck.
When you actively wait on the answer or outcome you desire, the outcome that you need, then I believe that they will come. When you’re expectant about something, the answers that you’re looking for, tend to come in the midst of you doing something else.
It’s almost like those times when we lose our car keys, and while we’re busy folding clothes, or busy looking for something completely different, we end up finding those car keys. Or sometimes you are playing a game and you’re looking for the answer, and you can’t find the answer. You happen to have a conversation with someone on a completely different topic and find the answer somewhere in that conversation. It’s kind of the same concept.
So again, I’m telling you if you’re sitting there, you are feeling hopelessly lost, you don’t know what to do with your life, you’re just like in a place of nothingness right now, and you’re just waiting for someone, you’re waiting for something to come into your life and suddenly change it for the better.
You’re not going to get very far. You need to stop waiting and start waiting. You need to stop hoping and start acting. And while you’re acting, while you’re doing don’t spend a lot of your time looking backwards, because you’re not going that way. Don’t try to drive your car forward or try to ride your bicycle forward when you’re constantly staring in the rearview mirror.
Good things can happen if you consistently and purposely wait. And I believe that as stuck as you are right now, once you start acting, things are going to happen. So are you going to stay stuck? And exactly how you are right now? Or are you’re ready to actively, intentionally start waiting? The answer is up to you.
This is Dee and you have been listening to She Is A Mess.